Heart News

Bryan was playing around on Photoshop last night and made this for me while I was gone. This was a picture taken of us at our wedding (Bryan and I have it in an 8x11) Bryan scanned it in and made the alterations. Pretty cool and also very sweet. I love you baby.

I finally called my doctor today about my echocrapiogram and it turns out my heart is foundationally sound. So that is great news! I am now just focused on getting the "wiring" worked out and there will hopefully be a conclusion by Monday, if I do not have to do any more tests that follow the appointment. I am hoping the doctor will know what it is right away, but I also want him to be sure, so I do not mind taking more tests, even though I am down to two weeks before my vacation.

Life is temporarily back to normal, but people (God bless them!) keep asking me daily how I am doing and if I have heard anything. The friends at my Bible study prayed for me last night by laying their hands on me, which was an awesome and calming experience (though the idea still kindof wierds me out, since I come from an ultra-conservative religious background, but this is a Biblical practice that heals many and I know I at least feel more at peace now). Last night I was reminded of the story in Matthew 14:22-36 of Jesus walking on the water. His disciples were in a boat in a storm and called to Jesus. Jesus called Peter to get out of the boat and walk to him, on water, which Peter began to do until he began to really see all the high waves around him and he began to sink from freaking out. After Jesus saved him, he told Peter pretty much what an idiot he was that he doubted Jesus and did not have faith in Jesus' ability to save him. Thats exactly how I feel! A couple weeks ago, one of my co-workers came to me in the parking lot and asked if eveything was okay (This was before the poo poo hit the fan). She told me I had been put on her heart, though I told her everything was great. After that, I was worried about things to come.

Since then, I realized how my faith was stagnant because though I had small challenges in my life, it was nothing as trying as this. (Even check back on my blogs about how great things were!) I believe God puts us through trials to test and grow us, and for awhile, I was not growing stronger spiritually. Now, just like Peter, I originally thought "Oh heck yea, I can walk on water no problem" until darn President's day when I got slammed on my butt and started to sink. I have pretty much been sinking since then. I have no idea what to say to God or what to pray for. When people ask details, I can spit them out, but how do I REALLY feel? I obviously am repressing a lot because I can turn on the water works at any given moment (try as I may to hold them back). So, instead I politely thank those who say they will pray for me or be thinking of me, and I hope to God that their prayers work because I feel my prayers are lackluster and not so effective (although I do not think there is such thing as in ineffective prayer). And I think each day, if only I could pray HALF as much as I worry, things will be okay. But, as someone last night pointed out, you can get yourself really worn out and it is okay to just rest in knowing that God hears your heart and the prayers of others. So now I am just waiting for God to reach his hand down and pull me out of the water.

On another note, my kids are the funniest kids ever. Except for one or two (maybe!), I am going to miss them terribly. I heard one yesterday telling another girl that she needs to do her best and work hard, becuase "You want to move up. You do not want to go down. That would be CRAZY!" (meaning to strive for second grade!). Today the kids were playing a review game in math in which the class was split into two groups. I have a lot of competetive kids so we got to the point where they all started complaining about fairness and bragging and I threatened to stop the game. One little boy raised his hand and said "Mrs. H., I am not complaining or bragging. I am just sitting here having a good time". (I really wish I could get audio on these cute moments because it would make the re-telling sooo much better).

Tomorrow is Friday already. So hard to believe how fast these weeks go. Only two more til Spring break and then only two months left of school after that. How unbelievable! Have a great weekend!